You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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