You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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