The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
