the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
