Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes