didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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