my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
