I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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