Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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