I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
