Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
