gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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