she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
