Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize