redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
