I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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