Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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