hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sext me about skeletons
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
