I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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