did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i think i have two assholes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
