Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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