i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
