She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
