Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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