last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
