im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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