Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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