my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
