i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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