Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
