So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
