Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
