We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
