Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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