hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
