would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
