if only i could text you this smell
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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