My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
