Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
