Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
