sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
