Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
