i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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