Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
