omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
