And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
