I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
