So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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