Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
