Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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