All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
