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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.

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• (585): View more from New York

  we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  "auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made

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• (209): View more from California

  I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.

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• (518): View more from New York

  He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo

  (1-636): View more from Missouri

  Well it was nice knowing him

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• (406): View more from Montana

  There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.

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