Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
did you just send me my own nude
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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