oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
