I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Enjoy the penises
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
