She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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