I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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