i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
