if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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