proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
