Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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