You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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