I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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