So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
