kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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