I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sext me about skeletons
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
