He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
