she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
