I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I believe in your delicious
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
