direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
