Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
