I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
